The Hitchhikers Guide to Threesome Relationships

Regular contributor John Bonnaque wrote this interesting piece on polyamorous relationships in Asia. It was created in response to a comment asking how he managed to date several women at once. I think this essay gives good insight. I have chimed in here and there to provide my thoughts on the matter [in brackets]. As always readers are also welcome to contribute their own comments. – Rockit

For the last twenty years, I have been living in Asia, experiencing the joy of threesome relationships. The most amazing thing that I have learned is that Asian women are entirely comfortable with this arrangement, as long as it is done with complete honesty, and provided that they are well paid. And even though it is a business arrangement, there is still genuine affection all around.

Explain in advance exactly what you are looking for

When you find a young lady that appeals to you, before you ever have sex with her, there are three essential steps. Firstly, tell her that you want two girlfriends, and you want to have threesomes. If she agrees with this condition, then step two is discussing how much you will pay her per month. In general, you will need to pay an amount equal to what she is already earning in the bar. Anything less will not get her attention.

Step three is going together to the clinic. Both of you should get tested for all the common sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). This sends a message to her that you care about her health and your own. It also doubles the odds of her saying yes, when later, you ask her to suck and swallow your load. She won’t be worried about catching an unpleasant STD like oral gonorrhea.

After these formalities have been taken care of, it’s time to have sex, one on one.

Finding a second girlfriend takes more time. They need to like each other, you need to like them and they need to like you. That’s a lot of bridges to build. Start with one girlfriend, with the understanding that girl number one will help you find girl number two.

Then back to the clinic for another STD checkup. The last thing you want is an STD being passed around between the three of you like a hot potato.

Move to South East Asia

If you only plan to commute to Asia, but still live and work in your home country, then having an actual girlfriend is an illusion. Even if you pay her a monthly salary in your absence, is it unlikely that she will wait patiently at home for you to return.

[This is definitely true. Some do maintain honest long distance relationships that work, but those are not going to be based on financial support.]

If she was previously a bar girl, she will very likely return to this job during your absence. She will also possibly adopt a second boyfriend, because you are not here, so why not. You can either accept this situation, or drive yourself crazy trying to keep her out of the bar from five thousand miles away. The reason for this bar girl behavior will be explained in more detail below. It’s all about the money.

Understand her financial needs

An average bar girl needs to earn about $1000 per month. In addition to supporting herself, she is almost always supporting multitudinous family members back home in the province. She might also have a child back home, and she needs to send money to mom who is taking care of her child. She might also have a monthly mortgage payment to make on the parent’s home.

A parent with a chronic medical condition such as diabetes or kidney failure is a common situation. She will send all her money every month to pay the medical bills. In Asia, family bonds run deep.

This is why they choose this line of work. Women who don’t have these heavy financial burdens will choose a different line of work, such as working in a factory. The pay is far less, but it doesn’t involve excessive drinking or having sex with a man that she just met.

[I have known some women with little to no obligation who have taken on sex work for any number of reasons. I’ve been told it’s “easier”, “more fun”, “less demanding” and other things. This is more true in some countries than others. In places like Thailand, many women feel an obligation to care for their parents by whatever means necessary.’]

One of my all time favorite lady friends has a university degree in accounting, and big student loan to pay off, so she works in a Karaoke club in order to pay her debts. She earns a lot of money working in this high class club in Bangkok. The customers typically are cashed up Chinese men, on holiday in Thailand. She is drop dead sexy and charming, and she earns $100 per table, just to sit, talk and drink with the customers. She speaks Chinese, of course. There is no sex involved, as the club does not permit bar fines.

I met her outside of her job, so our relationship is different. We meet occasionally, have dinner and spend the night together. She makes about $3000 per month at her job, so if I wanted her to be my girlfriend, I would have to match this salary. Sadly, this is out of my price range, so I just see her on occasion. It is all about understanding her financial needs.

Another example of salary matching is the women working at Crazy House at Soi Cowboy in Bangkok. For the girls that dance on stage and sit with customers in the nude, the base salary is THB40,000 (USD1200) per month. On top of this they make plenty more from lady drinks and sex. In total, they can easily earn $2000 per month. Paying one of these women a monthly salary would be an expensive proposition.

You would not accept a pay cut at your job for no good reason, and neither will she.

Ensure that you have a steady stream of income

You will need to support yourself and pay a monthly salary to each of your new girlfriends. It goes without saying, “No money, no honey”.

Learn to speak a bit of the local language

When I meet a new girl in a bar, the first words I say are “Hi, how are you?”, but in her language. This confuses her, and she often fails to understand my words. My pronunciation is fine, but she is just not expecting semi-fluent conversation in her language, spoken a by a farang guy. I often have to repeat myself two or three times, until her brain clicks into gear.

“Oh, now I get it. He is speaking my language”.

This is usually good for a laugh.

Bilingual Asian bar girls are an amazing consequence of modern life and frequent world travel. Most of them speak two languages. Some can speak bits of many languages. When I approach a new girl and say hello in her language, she naturally assumes that I am speaking English, French, German, Spanish, or some other Western language. The gears in her brain grind as she attempts to translate my words, until she realizes that I am not speaking a foreign language, I am speaking her language.

[This is a regular occurance for Westerners who speak in Asian languages. There are some videos online showing Westerners speaking Cantonese to people in Hong Kong. The Hong Kongers completely understand, but resort to replying in English!]

Some girls are smarter than others

I find that there are two categories of working girls.

Type 1 are the ones who lack ambition or education. They prefer to make easy money by opening their legs for cash. They are not thinking about the future. Any money that they earn today is gone tomorrow. They are always broke.

Type 2 are the smart ones, who have a long term plan. They are not necessarily looking for a husband. Primarily, they are looking for financial success. Their plan involves education, purchase of real estate, creation of a business and so on. They work in the bar in order to finance their long term dreams. One former girlfriend of mine loved children but was unable to have a child of her own. She eventually founded an orphanage, and got funding. She now has a fulfilling career and makes a big contribution to society.

The type one girls are not girlfriend material, unless you enjoy being lied to constantly and being treated like an ATM machine. I always seek out the type two girls. With them, I can have an honest and satisfying long term relationship.

It is a business arrangement, not a personal one

[This seems to be the most difficult thing for some men to understand.]

If you offer her a salary of $500 per month, that entitles you to the right to have sex with her when she is not otherwise occupied. She will still work in the bar, in order to earn the extra $500 that she needs to support her family.

[This was a somewhat common occurrence in cities like Phnom Penh. Until recently a number of older Western expats would have a “kept women” on a monthly salary or other similar arrangement. Apparently it is still fairly common with East Asian men working in the city.]

If you offer a salary of $1000 per month, she might agree to stop working in the bar, and be exclusive to you. But this is unlikely. It is more likely that she will just reduce the number of days per week that she goes to work. The bar will be her supplemental income.

At $1000 per month, she will most likely not be willing to move in with you. You are paying for a girlfriend, not a cook or housekeeper.

[Overall this is a good starting point. Of course it would all depend on a number of factors. Location, age of the women, and many other aspects of the relationship can come into play. I have heard of people paying much more. And much less.]

Decide in advance whether or not you plan to be faithful to your two new girlfriends. If you cannot do this, then don’t bother to pay them a monthly salary. Just pay for sex on a nightly basis.

But don’t expect her to be entirely faithful to you. She will still have sex with customers occasionally,. This is her job and she is doing it because she needs the money to support her family. The more you pay her, the less she will need to have sex with customers. My two girlfriends still work in a club, but it is almost entirely drinking, singing, talking and flirting. They rarely have sex with customers any more. And the deal is that they must tell me about it the next day. No secrets.

The business arrangement works both ways

If I feel the urge to have sex with a new girl, I have my two girlfriends interview her first. If they approve, and they usually do, then we invite her over to our apartment for a foursome. Because I don’t object to my ladies having protected sex with a customer occasionally, they don’t object to me sticking my dick in a new girl once in a while. In fact they enjoy it, because we do it together.

Because it is primarily a business arrangement, the girlfriend cannot make random requests for more money. If it was a monogamous, committed relationship, then the man would have difficulty saying no when she asks for more money to pay her mom’s doctor bill. If my girl asks for money, I will give it to her as an advance on the next month’s salary. But I encourage them to save their money for these inevitable unexpected expenses.

Multiple boyfriends

Surprisingly, this has never been an issue for me. No girlfriend has ever expressed an interest in having two boyfriends. They are quite happy having me as their only boyfriend. They receive a monthly salary from me, and also get a second income from their job working in the bar or karaoke club.

[Based on my experiences in Asia, this does not surprise me much.]

Similarly, they have zero interest in having sex with two men at the same time. The answer is always a firm no. I have asked, out of curiosity, as I am always trying to elevate my understanding of how women think. But intriguingly, most Asian women are quite willing to have sex with one man and multiple women. I don’t yet fully comprehend this. It deserves further study on my part.

The Three Body Problem

When three objects of similar mass orbit each other in space, the system is unstable. It is a “Chaotic” system and its behavior is unpredictable. But if one of the objects has a substantially greater mass than the other two, then the system magically becomes stable. This is why the Earth and the moon have been serenely orbiting our sun for the last four billion years.

This is a pretty good metaphor for a threesome relationship. In a threesome relationship, it is necessary to have a leader, a “high mass” object. Since you are the one paying the bills, this role naturally falls to you. The relationship then has a good chance of being stable.

Perhaps this is why women are not interested in a man-man-woman relationship. Two high mass objects plus one low mass objects results in an inherently unstable system.

Sorry about the physics lesson, but I just couldn’t resist; the analogy was too good to pass up.

References

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams (1979).